Do you ever wish you had a “do-over?”
You know, the opportunity to go back and undo or redo something that you messed up, or maybe you know more now than you did then and now you feel you could navigate it much better.
Hindsight is 20/20, they say... (not like the COVID year of 2020, which isn't fun to look back on). But your vision is way clearer now that you've navigated the challenge and pushed through. Time has now told the story that you couldn't perceive from where you were before.
It amazes me how clear your perspective becomes when looking back on life’s challenges and seasons, and yet how blurry perspective can be in the present and facing the future.
As I’m writing this blog, my mind has wandered into several different Christmas movies that have highlighted how a perspective change can change the entire holiday season. The movies "Christmas Shoes" and "Scrooge," are the ones that come to mind along with several others that probably come to your mind as you read this.
"It’s a Wonderful Life" is one of my favorite Christmas movies that I grew up watching. I don’t think that there was a year we didn’t watch it at least twice during the Christmas season.
Jimmy Stewart does an incredible job playing the part of a man balancing life, disappointment, financial pressure, relationship issues, gets the opportunity to reflect on his life and see what it would look like if he had never been born.
Clarence, an angel-in-training, works to earn his wings by helping the main character see life differently. He guides him to a realization of what truly matters when everything is said and done. In the end, we see a joyful scene filled with smiles, celebrating Clarence's success as he finally earns his wings and George Bailey find fulfillment in the relationships and a new perspective on life.
(Not necessarily theologically correct, but I still ring a bell every chance I get just in case.)
What changed? Primarily perspective.
And the change in perspective changed the priority. And once the priority was put into action, the outcome and outlook improved drastically.
If you’re anything like me, the thought that just ran through your head was, that’s just a movie, somebody wrote that. Of course, there’s a joyful ending.
True, but most of us, if you’ve seen the movie, resonate with George Bailey…
Life just has not turned out what we planned for it to be.
Financial pressure tends to put pressure on everything, including our relationships with our wife, our children, other relatives, and even our friends and colleagues.
Our schedule has been dictated by work and the need to survive and make ends meet.
By the time we get back from our day job, there is the never-ending list of things to do.
Communication with our spouse and children comes second to almost all the other communication because of the need to pay bills and provide for our family and keep all our other commitments. At least that’s what we tell ourselves.
I know the feeling.
Looking back over the last several Christmas seasons, and some of the pressure that I was under, I remember telling myself repeatedly, “I have nothing left to give.”
I have nothing left that I can give to my marriage.
I have no time left to give to my children.
I have no energy left to give to the house.
I have no ability to commit more to church.
I felt desperate, and incapable, and to be authentic and vulnerable, I felt like I was failing at all the things that I was supposed to be successful at.
I believed it.
And that was even before purchasing Christmas presents and trying to make sure that I didn’t forget to get my wife something for Christmas again and wait until last minute like every man is known for and yet I was guilty of doing it year over year.
Oh, bother. I guess jewelry it is again. Can’t go wrong with a little bling-bling. (this might be true if there’s diamonds involved…)
But where does that put us this year?
Without getting too preachy, and from a word of testimony, I’d like an opportunity to change your perspective, potentially the priorities, and hopefully the outcome and outlook.
In August of this year, my wife passed away, rather suddenly without any warning. I woke up one morning and she was stepping into heaven while in my arms.
(This is not a pity post, I promise.)
There’s not a lot that will change your perspective and your priorities as much as someone close to you passing away.
Many of you have already experienced this kind of grief, with the loss of a spouse, a child, a parent, a sibling, or maybe just a close friend or colleague.
As I was pondering what I was going to write in regard to not losing sight of what is truly important during the holiday season, My mind first went to the thought of what I would’ve done differently last year if I’d only known that that would’ve been the last holiday and Christmas season with my wife and best friend and the mother of my children being with us.
My heart went to some very simple and practical things that I would’ve done differently last year, and even the last 13 years that we had been married.
I’m gonna keep it short and simple because I don’t know the life that you live, or where you’re at in life right now, but I know that these simple truths can be applied to the life of almost anyone if not everyone.
Change your perspective.
Prioritize relationships.
Invest your time intentionally.
Ha! You thought I was going to give you a whole spiel on each of them. But I’m not.
They are self-explanatory. I’m sure I could give you an illustration or a story on each one of them, but I think you get it.
In light of eternity, change your perspective; make relationships your number one priority. Your relationship with God, your spouse, your children, your family, your friends, colleagues…etc.
Invest your time intentionally. Time is an investment. You may not see the fruit from your investment until eternity, but also, you might see the fruit of your investment in the quality of relationships that you have. And that is an investment worth making.
The way you spell love is T-I-M-E.
This is true in any relationship.
Your first relationship priority is your relationship with the Lord.
Your first ministry is your marriage and your children.
I know when it comes to our relationships, it’s not quantity it’s quality.
Easier said than done.
Spending time in worship and in prayer while doing devotions, may be more impactful that reading 347 pages in your Bible. Not that Bible reading is not important, but that communicating to God in worship may be exactly what you need during this time.
Your children most likely will not remember the gifts that you gave them, but they will remember the time that you spent with them… at least the time you spent intentionally with them.
Presence most often is the best present.
Those you spend your time with will remember how you made them feel. (Good or bad)
Spending all day Saturday at home working on your to-do list, but not involving your wife and/or children and intentionally spending some time with them will not be as valuable as spending an hour and a half, or even 20 minutes connecting with them at their level or playing a game with them.
My dad used to do a dump run every Saturday morning for a good portion of my younger years. I grew up in a very large family and I am number 7 out of 10.
(No, we are not Catholic… to answer the first question that everyone seems to ask when they hear that.)
Even though dad was providing for 10 children, under all the pressures of work, being a deacon in our church, and all the other responsibilities, he took us to the dump with him.
We got chocolate milk and frosted animal crackers. It was one of the highlights of our week. We loved it. If we sat up in front with him, he spontaneously would reach over quickly and grab our kneecaps and make us squirm and squeal.
I still remember that there's only one rule. Don't mess with the driver.
So no matter how many times he got us and surprised us with the sudden jolt and laughter caused by the ticklish grasp on our knee, we could not return the gesture…. Refer to rule number one.
While it seems simple, it was impactful.
Your success will be found in simplicity.
Daily disciplines and reminders to communicate intentionally while investing into your relationships is crucial.
If the only text messages that you are getting and receiving are your wife asking what you want for dinner and you responding that you don’t care, you are not investing into your relationship.
(I dare you to come up with something simple that you want for dinner and have a different response than “I don’t know” or I don’t care” … This will change your marriage. Well, maybe…)
Time invested intentionally into your relationships will be what matters most in light of eternity.
Understand that memories are made in moments, both good and bad.
So, as you focus on not losing sight of what's truly important this holiday season, take a step back and look at your life in light of eternity for just a moment.
When you have nothing left to give, give your time… intentionally, even if it's just a moment. Because when all is said and done, those moments matter.
Take the photo.
Choose to respond in kindness rather than frustration or anger.
Play the game.
Jump on the trampoline.
Schedule a special date night. (And make the reservations with the baby sitter and the restaurant.)
Get your wife's Christmas present early this year and make it thoughtful. (Any day before Christmas Eve counts.)
Be curious, not judgmental.
Get down on the floor with your children. Get on their level, whatever level that is.
Forgive this year.
Intentionally make the phone call to someone that you love and just tell them that.
Purposely send a text message to show that you care.
Write a handwritten note and drop it in the mail. Just say thank you for something that someone did a long time ago. Because it’s never too late to say thank you.
And remember, it’s not the fact that you only live once.
You only have one life to live, but you only die once.
So how do we keep what is truly the priority in focus this holiday season?
Change your perspective.
Prioritize relationships.
Invest your time intentionally.
So, ask yourself, if this were the last Christmas that you had with someone in your life, or if this were the last Christmas that you would be spending with those you care for most, what would you change this year in how you spent your time?
As you reflect on those questions, adjust your schedule, and make this Christmas season the most impactful Christmas ever. Not because of the money that you spent, but because of the moments that you invested into the relationships that God has given you to steward.
Your perspective will change.
Your priorities will adjust.
Your purpose will be clearer.
You know what is better that wishing you could do it over and make it better? Doing it right the first time and cherishing that memories while knowing you left it all on the field and you have no regrets. Not because it was perfectly executed, but because you did your best and surrendered the outcome.
At that point you can enjoy your “wonderful life,”not because it is easy, but because God is good all the time, and all the time God is good.
Wishing you all a very Merry Christmas this year!
Luke Sorensen
